No More Heroes
February 4,2008 - In a time when gamers are constantly clamoring for something new and innovative, it’s tempting to cling to anything that promises a stark departure from what we usually expect from games. Flaunting elements that push the ESRB’s M rating to the very limit with over-the-top cartoony violence, sexual innuendos, dark humor, and fluent (frequent) cursing, No More Heroes fits that bill, as it makes blatant efforts to be offensive. It also has the very quirky tendency to poke fun at all things pop culture, including several glaring Star Wars references, punk rock, and even video games, along the way. Unfortunately, the game’s panache and solid combat mechanics don’t hide the fact that No More Heroes is all style, little substance, nor that it tries to do too much at once. Few of the individual aspects of the game are ever better than so-so, and neither is the game as a whole.

The story in No More Heroes follows Travis Touchdown on his quest to become the top ranked assassin in the land.  At its core, this game is a 3D beat ‘em up with some pretty cool, super-bloody combat. Instead of going overboard with motion-based controls, the game uses buttons to do most of the attacking and defending (…with a freakin’ Lightsaber, which is admittedly awesome, even if you don’t dig on Star Wars). When enemies are on the verge of death, a flick of the Wii remote unleashes finishing moves that may decapitate them or split them into two even halves from top to bottom. You can also grapple stunned opponents and perform these awesome wrestling moves on them by responding to on-screen prompts, though there’s no apparent way to choose which wrestling move will be selected. Although it lacks depth, the fighting system is a competent, interesting, and sensible one that makes the Wii's motion-sensing capabilities work for the game, not the other way around. Hopefully this will become the foundation for many future action games on the Wii.

Unfortunately, the enemies and levels in the game don’t make things very exciting. For one thing, none of the levels look good or are exciting to play through. They’re basically strings of areas that look exactly the same and change only in theme from one level to the next. There’s a mansion, a subway, a school – one level is literally just one long, unadorned, narrow gray hallway. There are exactly two cool levels that show up at the end of the game, but after choking down room after room of what amounts to the exact same thing for hours on end, it’s too little too late.

The enemies exacerbate this problem due to their poor AI. They never attack until you come within a certain proximity of them (even if you’re in the same room slaughtering their cronies), and their only strategy is to surround you and whack away with sticks, brass knuckles, or even their own “beam katanas.” Being able to tilt the Wii remote up or down to attack high and low casts a pretty convincing illusion of depth, but in reality, determined button-mashing works fine. The game eventually starts throwing gun-toting enemies into the mix, which means you have to block more and poke at enemies rather than unleash combos, but aside from that, all the bad guys are the exact same dudes in different costumes. The same is true of the various bosses, who are ultimately just beefed-up versions of regular bad guys and take way too long to kill. You can learn a few new moves as the game progresses, and buy different beam katanas that change Travis’ attack strings a bit, but after you beat the first boss, you’ve basically seen everything the combat has to offer.

The game also suffers from a severe lack cohesiveness and an overabundance of filler. For example, after beating a level, you can’t just move on to the next one. Instead, you have to earn money by taking on odd-jobs and/or completing mini-assassination missions until you have the necessary funds to unlock the next one. Or, to say it another way, you have to play lots and lots of really boring mini-games and/or slay dozens of mindless goons until you want to cry. Mini-games consist of mundane tasks that are chores in real life and bores in video games – carry coconuts to a rinky-dink sales stand by mashing the A button. Fill cars up with gas by holding down the B button. Pick up trash. Mow a yawn… lawn. Whatever. Assassination missions are miniaturized versions of the real levels, except they take place in only one boring area rather than a series of them. If these were truly events you could undertake on the side, they’d be fine, but since you absolutely must endure them to finish the game, they’re just time consuming and boring.

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